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Non-Violent Communication – What Is Holding You Back?

CATEGORY: WELLNESS

Non-violent communication / Currently Wearing/Swiss Blog

Top: Lost Ink (on sale!), Jeans: Lois (on sale!), Hat: Tallis, Sneakers: Gucci (similar style). Photo by: Surekha.

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A few months ago I did an interview with a business coach to creatives Leticia Martignon. It will be published in the coming weeks on Currently Wearing Presents and I am sure you will fall in love with her too. I was so mesmerized by her energy that I wanted to work with her immediately. She turned me down, citing that I need to work on what is holding me back in order to benefit from her coaching. But she recommended that I start practicing Non-Violent Communication (NVC). It is a method can help to uncover your needs and wishes and communicate them non violently.

In my teens, I suffered from depression, tried to commit a suicide, battled an eating disorder for more than a decade, took drugs and went to a rehab. For my family and our family friends, it was something “out of order”. I was seen as a spoiled little girl. Why would someone want to commit a suicide when on a material level she did not lack anything?

After the rehab, I went back to University and in coming years I attended rigorous, secluded retreats and visited more therapists then I could remember in order to understand my self-destructive tendencies.

Throughout the years I kept getting weird flashbacks but did not want to really see the message. I wanted to believe that those were just my imaginations. Crazy fables. Did you know that if you experience a traumatic experience in our childhood, your mind suppresses it and it will only emerge once you are ready?

After my first non-violent communication session, those flashbacks came back and stayed for good. It was the time when the “Weinstein story” broke out. Alex and I had an argument about it and it made me realize that I needed to talk about my experience.

After my second non-violent communication session, I knew I had to share my story. Both for me and for those who are sitting back in quiet, afraid to come out. I still find it hard to talk about it but writing is easier.

I was sexually abused as a child by a member of my step-father’s family. I never told my parents. I did not believe that they would take me seriously. Nor that they would believe me. I was afraid I would make my mother choose sides and break the family. But when I think about it, my fear was that she would not trust me.

All my childhood I was angry with my parents without telling them why. It ate me inside and translated into drug, food and sexual addictions that none of my therapists could understand. I was coming from “a good family”. It did not make sense. As if things like that don’t happen in “good families”.

If you ask me whether I forgave that person, I can honestly say I did. I also made peace with my parents in my mind.  I could see them and be with them without blaming them for not protecting me as a child. I think it is all thanks to my meditation practice and especially the silent Vipassana retreat that cleaned all the sh*** and blame. I believe that there is a meaning for everything and what happened made me the person that I am today. I don’t want to call myself a victim. I survived all these ups and downs and there is a meaning in being here and having this blog where I can share with you my thoughts. I guess 2018 will be more about writing, sharing stories and finding ways to enable other women doing the same. I will turn 40. maybe we will have a second child, maybe not. I don’t know but what I feel deep inside is that I have to translate my experience into something meaningful. For me, for my daughter, for my husband and for all of you who come, leave a comment (or not) and make this space a two-way conversation.

Thank you for reading my last post of 2017.

Wishing you all a very Happy New Year.  May love, happiness, success, and joy follow you next year and beyond.

29 Comments
  • Emma Peach
    06.01.2018

    I have so much admiration for you for sharing your story Miri. The more we talk about abuse and the destructive behaviour it causes the easier it is to prevent others going through it. My stepmother’s daughter had a similar experience, only sadly for her she has been an alcoholic for many years and the damage to her health has been done. Now in her mid to late forties she has lost both of her children and lives alone with no real friends. I think it’s so sad that the repulsive behaviour of one man has led to her ruining her life. We need to be able to talk openly about abuse and not feel ashamed. Sending you big hugs.

    Emma xxx
    http://www.style-splash.com

    • Miri
      06.01.2018

      I am so sorry to hear about your stepmother’s daughter. I really appreciate that you shared it. Big hugs

  • catarina
    06.01.2018

    Thank you Miriam for sharing that personal part of your life, your story is very inspiring !
    I would like to have the same courage to talk about my story, looking forward to reading the next part !

    • Miri
      06.01.2018

      Ohh, thank you, my dear. I am sure that when you feel ready, you will. Big hugs

  • Tiffany
    01.01.2018

    Hi Miri! Happy 2018! You are right you are not a victim but instead you chose to become a Victor! Everything you went through has no power over you anymore because you choose to share it and empower others! Stay encouraged! Have a blessed new year and week!

    Tiff
    http://www.dashoffashandfinance.com

  • Didier
    01.01.2018

    I am so sorry to hear that you went through that in your teenage hood. It truly is a horrible thing to experience but I am glad that you put it to rest and that you are ok and at peace with it now.

    -Didier

    • Miri
      01.01.2018

      Thank you, my friend. Have a wonderful first day of 2018. Big hugs

  • moda & style
    01.01.2018

    Great post girl! Thanks for sharing.
    Xoxo I wish you a Happy New Year
    http://www.tuestilo.eu/blog/22_Soy-una-mujer-espontanea-y-libre.html

  • Izabela
    01.01.2018

    Thank you for sharing your experience. I know not everyone would be comfortable doing so.

    I hope you have a fabulous year ahead.

    Her Style Hive

  • Non-violent communication–such a deep thought. It is a great last post of the year 2017. Wish to read many more in the coming year.
    Happy New Year in advance!
    -Stephanie
    https://smiletutor.sg/

    • Miri
      05.01.2018

      Thank you Stephanie.

      XO
      Miri

  • Daniel
    30.12.2017

    Love your shoes!

    Daniel x

    The Daniel Originals | Instagram: danielpoonvignez

  • Mo
    29.12.2017

    For yesterday is gone and that is why it is called the past! Tomorrow is guaranteed to no one and that is why it is called the future. And yes! It is only today that we have; the now!!! The now that we bloom and grow!( I also say glow)….Communication in my view is in the now! What we say today we may not have the time ( nor the opportunity to clarify) so let it be from the heart, non-violent and embracing!!! Everyone has their story!
    Lots of love Miri and thank you for sharing in 2017!
    Mo

  • Courtney Hardy
    29.12.2017

    This is totally something to think about.
    http://sugarcoatedbears.blogspot.com/

    • Miri
      05.01.2018

      Yes 🙂

      XO
      Miri

  • Brandi Matthews
    29.12.2017

    Thanks for sharing babe! You’re so inspiring!
    Happy Holidays!
    Xx Brandi
    http://www.brandilocks.com
    @brandirockmatthews

    • Miri
      05.01.2018

      Aw, thank you. 🙂

      XO
      Miri

  • Caraque
    28.12.2017

    I find you so incredibly brave to share your story with the world wide web. I haven’t been through a quarter of what you’ve been through but also have my own demons to get rid of and can hardly ever find anyone I trust and feel good enough with to share it. I guess it’s a first step though and really hope in your case it will help you find peace.

  • Katrin
    28.12.2017

    My dear Miri!

    You touched me deeply with this Thanks for sharing, it’s very inspiring how you deal with all your struggles.

    Bravo!

    You’re a kind and very brave soul, just go on like this.

    Have a wonderful 2018 in which we hopefully will meet soon again.

    Lots of love

    Katrin

    • Miri
      28.12.2017

      Ohhh, thank you, dear friend. I can’t wait to meet you again. Big hugs and a Happy New Year to you and your whole family. XO

  • Miri, first of all, I applaud you for sharing your experience. It is a major stepping stone in reaching a place of complete healing. I am so glad that you have been able to start talking about it. Not only will you help yourself, but you will help so many others. You have a forum where you can do just that. While I do not have a history of sexual abuse, I do have a history of Bipolar Disorder that caused so much havoc in my life for so many years. And it manifested the same way as yours…depression, suicidal ideations, drugs and sex, and I could on and on. One of the reasons I started blogging was to have my own forum to share my story in the hopes that it could help others. It is a topic very near and dear to my heart and I am looking forward to producing more blog posts on the topics in the coming year. Perhaps, we can join together and do something collaborative. We are strong women, we are stronger together, and we can make a great and very beneficial impact. This is very important work, my friend, and I am so glad that you are embarking on it. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

    Hugs to you, my friend.

    Shelbee
    http://www.shelbeeontheedge.com

    • Miri
      28.12.2017

      Oh, I feel you, Shelbee. We have a family member who suffers from bipolar disorder. I think there is still a long way to go for people to fully understand it and accept those who suffer from it with love and compassion. Thank you for your beautiful comment, my dear. And yes, I like your idea- I will contact you privately to see what we can do together to make this world a better place.
      As Michael Jackson would say:
      “Heal the world
      Make it a better place
      For you and for me
      And the entire human race…”

  • Nicole
    28.12.2017

    Communiation can really be a difficult thing if you have past childhood issues. I find that what helped me is to acknowledge that those things happened, get help and move on.

    http://www.glitsxgrace.com/2017/12/27/2017-reflections/

    • Miri
      28.12.2017

      Thank you for stopping by, Nicole. I totally agree, moving on is essential. :-)) hugs and a Happy New Year

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