I have been preparing this article for several weeks and in order to see the way we can turn negativity around, I decided to share with you an entry from my diary:
Lately I have been bothering my dearest and nearest with my feelings of inadequacy. Instead of being happy when something good happens to me, I start imagining what will go wrong. I start thinking that I don’t deserve it, that sooner or later, everyone will discover that I am an impostor, a fraud. Am I fooling others into believing that I am better than I truly am? Doubts prevent me from stepping forward, make me feel powerless and that no matter what I do, everyone else is doing it better.
It frustrates me that neither my parents, closest friends nor my husband have a speck of understanding. In their eyes, I am doing great. I should be proud of myself and I should definitely not compare myself to others.
Some time after I wrote this down, I discovered that these feelings have a name- an Impostor Syndrom. If you feel the same, answer these questions and see for yourself. Most probably you feel like a fraud because you suffer from an IP!
But that is not all. As I promised, I want to share with you how I managed to turn this around. I did not meditate on that or analyzed it with my shrink. Believe it or not, I had an “aha” moment during an event that Alex and I attended. It was full of beautiful people. Some of them were nice, some bumptious and the rest just plain rude. Seeing them in person made me realize that we have nothing in common. I tried to introduce myself and make friends but most of them did not care. After while I finally accepted that they didn’t want to like me. They did not want to get to know me either. And that is fine. It is their right.
My right, on the other hand, is to choose how I am going to react. Will I allow others to make me feel small when they ostentatiously ignore me? Will I act the same or turn it around? As long as I don’t believe what they think, they have no power over me. I don’t have to impress anyone. I don’t need to persuade anyone about my own value. In fact, the only person I have to persuade and impress is me myself. I am so good at being my worst critic so maybe it is the time to finally start supporting myself.
I realized that what I really want is to create a website that will make others feel better. And in order to do that, I can’t loose my time with people who just think of themselves. I need to work with people who want to share and participate. I want to turn my personal blog into platform where you can find articles about fashion, healthy eating, lifestyle and positive thinking. I hope the new image of Currently Wearing will bring you a lot of joy and pleasure. Winter is coming so let’s celebrate in style!
Photo by Surekha Yeshwanth, collage made by myself.