SUBSCRIBE

SIGN UP TO RECEIVE EXCLUSIVE UPDATES WITH LATEST STYLE POSTS, NEWS AND MORE!
* indicates required

NEW-MOM GUILT

currently wearingswiss fashion blog/ currently wearingguilt/currently wearing/swiss blog

Since I became a mom I have felt this prevalent guilt. I talked about it with my friends but was afraid to write about it. What if people think that I am crazy? No matter how many articles you read about guilt and post-natal depression, it is still a taboo. But it is too common not to be spoken about. Several of my girlfriends suffered from post-natal depression. They did not talk about it until I gave birth and started feeling funny. I realized that there are so many things about motherhood that remain secret. When asked why they did not share their feelings with me before, they said that I would not understand. Sometimes I feel like becoming a mom opens door to a secret society. As a new-mom, I started to have feelings nobody prepared me for. The same goes with my body. It changed in so many ways that I could not recognize it. I was both sad and angry that nobody told me what was waiting for me after birth.

If you are on social media, you know that most of the accounts show happy mothers whose newborns look calm and peaceful. There is no colic or reflux on Instagram. The moms slimmed down two months after giving birth and their house is spotless clean and organized. How real are these images? Don’t they just make us feel bad about ourselves? If you are a mother, what do you feel guilty about? I feel guilty:

  • When I am on a train and Chloe-Sofia starts crying. I think that everyone is looking at me and judging me for not being able to calm her down.
  • When a waitress at my favorite coffee place said in front of my husband that I didn’t carry my daughter in my arms as much as he did. Like, seriously?! I found it so preposterous that I just ignored her. And later on, I felt guilty. Let’s be honest, I know she has a crash on my hubby but it still hurt.
  • When I am at our pediatrician’s office and Chloe-Sofia starts crying inconsolably.  I start thinking that the doctor will send social services to our house.
  • That I am looking forward to go back to work. I admire all stay-at-home mothers but I know it is not for me.
  • That I want to take photos for the blog and keep writing instead of spending that time with my daughter.
  • That I don’t mind leaving Chloe-Sofia with my mother-in-law so that Alex and I can go to Paleo (music festival) or do something together just the two of us.
  • That I do not have a clear opinion on vaccination. On one hand, I am “pro”. On the other hand, when I read arguments from the “other camp”, I am afraid that Chloe-Sofia may react to it badly and it would be my fault. It is catch-22.
  • That sometimes(!) I use regular Pampers instead of disposable diapers that are biodegradable. Before Chloe-Sofia was born, I was telling everyone how we were going to use cloth diapers. Than the reality hit and it just did not work for us. Now I have to answer to all those people who want to know how we are happy with cloth diapers.
  • That I don’t give as much attention to Alex as I used to.
  • That I can’t deal with cleaning, ironing and any other household tasks. That I am happy that I found an amazing cleaning lady who made my life much easier. That I don’t cook for my husband. In fact, I don’t enjoy to cook at all. If it was up to me, we would live on fruits, salads and nuts.
  • And my “all-time favorite”: that I did not like breastfeeding. It was painful. I did not have enough milk. I had to use an electronic breast pump that made me feel like a cow. And in the end, I lost even the little of milk that I had. So when people tell me how important it is to breastfeed, I feel guilty. I feel that I deprived my daughter of it.

If there is anything that I learnt from all this guilt it is that it is only in my head. Guilt is just a negative thought. How can I get rid of it? I am not sure if I can. What I can do is forget those could I, would I, should I and accept what is. Especially when it does not look like those polished pictures on Instagram.

currently wearing / swiss fashion blogcurrently wearingswi


Outfit details:

Mango top, 3.1 Phillip Lim bagBoob maternity skirt (one of my pregnancy items that I like to recycle), earrings and bracelet from South Africa, Anna Field sandals.

Photos by Surekha Yeshwanth

15 Comments
  • Alyssa Arraya
    01.08.2016

    This is such a pretty and classic outfit! love it!

  • Amanda
    27.07.2016

    Love the beautiful top you have on! Instagram or any social media is just the “best of the best” that people post. It doesn’t reflect the messy moments or when babies cry or get upset. I think any mom will feel guilty at some point that they can’t keep up with everything they used to, but that’s alright! Its only natural and you make new standards or goals.

    enchantingelegance.net

    • Miri
      27.07.2016

      I think you are right, Amanda. Thank you for your kind words! Hugs, Mi

  • Jess Speake
    26.07.2016

    I am in love with how honest you are in this post. I love that, and I wish more people showed honesty in their lives/writing! Also, remember about all the social medias (instagram, Facebook, whatever) that it’s showing a highlight reel of people’s lives. No one is going to post a picture of something negative when they can take 30 more photos, edit one and have it look really good. I find the only way to not feel guilt/competition/jealousy when looking through social media is to remember that it’s all highlight reels! Also, even if someone’s life was as perfect as their instagram feed, I honestly think they’d be missing out! The messy moments in life are what make me appreciate the beautiful ones! Stay strong, mama!

    Jess | http://www.JessExplainsItAll.com

    • Miri
      27.07.2016

      Thank you, Jesse.:-) I appreciate that. Hugs, Miri

  • Well you look pretty damn polished to me!! Absolutely stunning!
    But must say how refreshing it is to read totally honest post like these, keep up the good work. You seem like a fantastic mom
    Xx

    http://themidnightblonde.com/

    • Miri
      27.07.2016

      Thank you, Michelle.:-) You are right, it is not easy to be honest but without it one is not authentic.
      Hugs,
      Miri

  • vanessa
    26.07.2016

    love your top!

    TheVogueWord
    TheVogueWord

  • vera
    26.07.2016

    Beautiful top! I LOVE these photos!!

    Blonde in Cashmere

  • Jordan Chapman
    26.07.2016

    I love how honest you are in this post!! I hear this a lot from my relatives who have just had kids, so I don’t think that you’re all alone in your feelings!

    • Miri
      27.07.2016

      Thank you for stopping by and your kind words, Jordan. That means a lot!
      X
      Miri

  • portiastylebook
    25.07.2016

    Such a classy look! so fitting!

    http://www.portiastylebook.com

  • Maryam
    25.07.2016

    I love the off-shoulder too on you. You look great!

    xo, Maryam
    http://www.glamandposh.com

  • Filipa
    25.07.2016

    Dear, first of all, people only share beautiful things on instagram. Thats why everyone’s life is perfect there. I feel like this is such a personal post and that im not the best to fully understand how you feel because im not a mother… but I do know people who felt the same way you’re feeling and listening to them made me realize that there are actually many motherhood related issues that people are not aware of and that they dont even discuss. Its important to take care of yourself too after giving birth and having time for yourself and your husband. It doesnt mean that you’re taking less care of your beautiful baby, it only means that you’re a human!

    • Miri
      27.07.2016

      Thank you for stopping by Filipa. I appreciate your comments and totally agree with your opinion on IG. Nobody is perfect in real life.
      Hugs,
      Miri

    What do you think?

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *